when they said that high school was going to pass by quickly, i didn’t take them seriously. now i understand. i have woken up in the eye of a hurricane, looking out into the storm of the unknown.
it’s hard to believe. it feels like just yesterday i was going in for my first day of high school, nervous jitters coursing through my body. a few weeks ago, i met my best friend in freshman english. now, we sit around talking about the future, which doesn’t seem as far off as it used to be.
i watched the sun rise with my class today. we released balloons with our hopes and dreams scrawled across them in brightly-hued sharpie. “we are 2017!” we yelled as they floated off into the sky, tinged with the light of early morning.
it almost seems like a dream. i feel like i’m going to wake up after having dozed off in freshman algebra, due to my vehement prescription drug abuse that i was enamored with at the time, blinking slowly as my eyes adjust to the light. i know this isn’t possible, or true, but today has felt unreal.
i think this feeling is due to the fact that i am terrified of being happy with my life. i am forever afraid that once i am content with my life, it will be snatched away from my grasp once more. life has teased me so many times before, it’s no wonder this fear is consuming me from the inside out.
i am so happy. but i that scares me. life scares me. i am on the precipice of great change; it is the beginning of the end of a journey. i know my real life has yet to begin, and while i shiver in anticipation for the future, i shrivel away from it simultaneously.
tomorrow is my last first day of high school. here’s hoping i don’t burst into hysterics in the middle of ap government.