i’ve been eighteen for almost a month now.
i moved out. something i’ve been dreaming about doing for months. i no longer have to submit to the frightening wants of my tyrannical relatives. i got into college, something i was so scared would never happen– i’ve even gotten scholarships. it’s absolutely insane how far i’ve come. i’ve seen so many things, and there’s still so much out there, waiting for me.
i see the road stretching out before me, though. a long, winding path that reaches out into the future that i am both incredibly eager to see and incredibly anxious to bring into realization.
i still have so many things to do. so many people to meet. it’s all rather scary. i find myself daydreaming about my future, and while it’s still so uncertain, i’ll have people by my side to help me through it. which is reassuring. i’ve never been so good on my own.
my best friend and i are on the precipice of something that adults have been warning us about since we were kids; the “real world.” but i guess it’s fine, as long as we’re by each other’s side.
i guess. what i’m trying to articulate here is that, for the first time in a long time, there’s a small spark of hope in my life. i’m no longer afraid of writing this; i had an irrational fear that every time something good happened and i wrote about it, it was destined to fail. not to say that i don’t believe in a certain king destiny, but i feel like this feeling, the uncertainty that is no longer unnerving, the breathlessness of realizing that i am totally free…
i don’t think that’s going away.
i have hope that in the sunshine of the arizona desert, i will find a new home. there, i will be able to heal from the wounds of the past.